Unbelievable Greed

Sometime last year a childhood friend of mine called and told me that her mother would like to retain me as the attorney for their family property. I accepted. From the first legal fees I got from the estate, I gave a certain sum to my friend and her mum just to say thank you for the business. They were pleasantly surprised at my gesture and profusely thanked me too. Ever since that transaction I have drawn one lease agreement for a new tenant on the property only.

A few days ago, my friend’s mum called me and told me about a vacant flat in the property that she had recently leased out and she wanted me to meet with the tenant and draw up the usual agreement papers. I told her it was not a problem and asked her to send the tenant to my office. Surprisingly, before the tenant got to my office, my client (i.e. my friend’s mum) called me again and told me that I should find her and her sister “something.” I did not understand what she meant and so I asked her to explain and she repeated what she earlier said. It was then it dawned on me that she wanted me to give her and her sister part of my legal fees for this present work on the property. Then I asked her how much she wanted me to give to them and she asked me to use my discretion.

When I got off the phone, I was speechless. This was a woman that had just collected two years rent on this new lease. This sum was not enough for her and she wanted to share in the legal fees that the tenant was to pay me too! I know that in our country it is said that "anything goes", but even by these corrupt and greedy standards this was too much!

I have no words suitable enough to express my disappointment with this woman. This is a woman I have known since I was seventeen years old. I had so much respect for her especially for her faith in God. I never knew she could bow to greed to this extent. Where has it been heard that a client would avariciously long to share in the legal fees of his/her lawyer if not in this nation? Because she gave me charge of her property she has to share in my fees even after she has collected her full rent? In other words, she wants to eat from both ends - from her tenant and from her property lawyer. What words can adequately capture or describe such show of shame and disregard for integrity?

We all accuse our leaders and politicians of greed and corruption, yet greed and corruption is in the blood cells of most of the so called "ordinary man" or "ordinary masses" on the streets of our nation. Have you taken your car to a mechanic workshop before or called a technician or what we commonly call 'electrician' to do a job for you in the past or recently? What about the so called generator repairers? What has your experience been with these people? Many people I know including myself have frustrating and disappointing tales from dealing with these people. These frustrating experiences with these artisans illustrate what we are as a people. How many of us can claim that our business transactions are above board? Yet we are quick to point accusing fingers at politicians and public officers.

We need to work on ourselves as a people. Most people in this country ask for bribes and ‘kickbacks’ unashamedly. Very few people care about good name and reputation anymore. All people care about is money and more money and they sadly do not care how they get it.

If my client had told me that she was having some financial difficulty and asked for my assistance, I would have willingly assisted, but to ask to share in the legal fees I would be paid for doing a job for her after she had been fully paid by the tenant was out of line,unacceptable and a show of shame.

To accept her demands would be laying a bad precedent for the future. Today, it is herself and her sister, tomorrow, who knows their children may arise too and ask to share in this same fee.

Kindness, hospitality, generosity and neighborliness is fast disappearing from the horizon in our country and it is worrisome. Very few, if any do things for people out of the goodness of their hearts anymore. Everyone wants something back for what they do for you. The common norm now on the street is, “Nothing goes for nothing.”

I remember one day entering my sister’s bedroom and found her sad and downcast. I was worried and asked what the matter was and she said to me, “Sister, I just passed an interview for a job, but the HR Manager just called me and told me that if I do not go to bed with him, I will not get my employment letter. It keeps happening sister, everywhere I go for a job, these male managers make sexual propositions.” I felt her pain and encouraged her as best as I could. I asked her to hold on and not to compromise because God will come through for her in His time. My sister is fortunate to have older brothers and sisters who look out for her and take care of her financial needs, but what about those young women who do not have anyone to assist them through these jobless seasons? Is it any wonder that they fall into these traps out there? Is it any wonder that prostitution is on the increase? Some of these men who proposition these young girls are married with children. Sometimes the girls who come to their offices looking for jobs are same age mate with their daughters, yet they harden their hearts and frustrate their quest to actualize their dreams with demeaning sexual advances and propositions.

Friends, we need to do something about these dangerously greedy and corrupt trend in this nation. Looking for blame and solutions in the corridors of power is too far and too long a distance, lets look into our hearts, our souls and our minds and we will find the answers and solutions to this epidermic problem. Lets revisit and and redefine our core values again as individuals because EFCC cannot do it alone.

I had a meeting with my client and made my sentiments clear. May be desperate and hungry lawyers may accept such demands, but I am careful about precedents. If I perceive that I may suffer a potential discomfort or contention in the future, it is wiser to stop further steps in that direction or better still not to initiate the step from the on set. In my opinion she can brief another lawyer.

My close associates laugh at my naivety in some sharp business practices, but this was a limit for them too. It is unbelievable the things we allow and the compromises we make just to get ahead in life. We wonder when corruption will end in our nation, but in our little corner we succumb to the pressures of greed and corruption daily. What I do for my client is not friendship but business. To eat her money and eat mine too is greed and unacceptable business practice and in my opinion must not be allowed.
Written by Ebiye Tammy -Koko

Adding value in the work place.

Very few employees think of adding value to an establishment when they are employed. What they commonly think about is what they can get out of the organization. But value addition is the key to promotions. Your CV stops being impressive when you receive your employment letter. What your superiors would be looking for is the value you bring on the job.

This is why there are some organizations that are not particular about the class of your result from university, but they employ staff based on a ‘hunch’ or ‘feel’ of the person.

It is a corporate sin to leave a job the way it was given to you. In other words, when you are given a job or an assignment, you are expected to make a difference. Too often, when we take on positions we never explore new ways to tackle our assignments. We follow the same pattern of our predecessors and so we make no improvements or difference.

Your performance of a task is far more important than the salary or allowance that you are paid. This is because long after the salary is gone your performance will be speaking for you. Performance ensures that you rise in an organization. It also advertises you for future job opportunities. Our focus must therefore be removed from our pay packet to being relevant on the job. Anybody can earn a salary, but not everyone is relevant in an organization. It is your performance that makes you relevant and keeps you in the view of your management for promotions and salary reviews.

Apply yourself to the task at hand and do not just go through the motion of work. Use initiative and think outside the box to achieve quick and inexpensive results.
It is a common saying that no one is indispensable, but the reality is that there are certain people that management would be sorry to see leave. These are people who must of necessity be consulted before a decision is made in an organization. They are not necessarily the owners of the organization or the CEOs, but the performers – the people who are relevant and add value.

In our pursuit for job satisfaction or fulfillment we must work hard towards excellence in value addition. It is when you have given your best to your job that you really feel good about your self.

The fact is even if you are not paid handsomely for your contributions on the job today, the future is bright for you as you have developed capacity. Some day the job that truly deserves you will come your way.

Be guided by the fact that our career journey is divided into seasons. Some seasons are ‘learning curves’; others are planting seasons and yet others are harvest times. The ‘learning curves’ and planting seasons are seasons when you may feel ‘used’ because they are times when your contributions into the organization is not commensurate with your wages, but if you persevere in adding value and building your capacity, soon harvest season will open up for you – not necessarily at your present place of work, but elsewhere too. (Gen 8:22)

There are employees that are merely being tolerated by their management. Let’s face it – if your employers need to downsize about 20% of their work force today, do you think they would have any qualms letting you go?

When you are a value adder, employers would do everything in their power to keep you. But the first set of people to go when the need for downsizing arise are those who do not add value.

The key to relevance in the work place is to take ownership of your duties and responsibilities. In other words, do not work as an employee, but work as an employer on your assigned role. For instance, if you are a secretary, work like a CEO in that position. This is an attitude adjustment. Do not think like the help, but think like a boss in your position. This attitude adjustment helps you build confidence and a desire to apply yourself beyond the call of duty. Discover smart ways of performing your duties and strive to see that you are the best at your task. Do not hold back your potentials and skills because you are under paid, this will only make your position more insecure as your performance would be mediocre. And of course a mediocre performance will never motivate management to increase your salary.

Remember that it is not only the salary that is the issue, but also the need for building capacity. Let this fact motivate you to give your best and much more to where you are working right now and when the time is right, you will get the right job with the right pay.

-Written by Ebiye Tammy-Koko

The Weeds

One evening, my children and I were playing within the grounds of our home and I noticed that our flower beds had weeds. Instead of waiting for a hired hand, I decided to pull them out myself. As I started on this task, I observed that some of the weeds came off easily as I pulled, but others stuck fast and refused to come off. I should have gone back into the house and got a gardening tool that would have dealt with these stubborn roots, but I was too lazy to do so. As I kept weeding and observed this repeated pattern of some weeds coming off from the root completely and others stubbornly remaining in the soil I knew that my trouble with the weeds was not over because those roots that have stubbornly held on will grow again and disturb the peace of the flower beds.

The plight of my flower bed is no different from our lives. When we do not deal with issues from the root, we can be rest assured of a re-occurrence. Some people manage conflicts by repressing and suppressing their true emotions and feelings. They rarely, if ever disclose their true feelings on an issue. Around them is usually calm, but it is an uneasy calm because those repressed and suppressed issues will come up one day and cause an explosion that may be difficult to control or put out. The wiser approach is to deal with conflicts as they arise in a conciliatory manner.

Sometimes, people explode in anger not necessarily for what may have happened at that immediate instance, but for what happened yesterday, yester month or yester years that they refused or neglected to deal with or confront. It is far better to confront issues than to repress or suppress, but confrontation yields good fruits when the focus and aim is to build and not to scatter a relationship.

When I was much younger, I did not have a friendly or cheerful disposition. I was moody and melancholic. This attitude did not endear me to people. Not surprisingly I was disfavored in many quarters. People who had capacity to help me could not and would not help me because my attitude was a barrier. For many years I suffered from this attitude and I am sure that I must have lost a lot of benefits and blessings as a result. However, like the weeds in my yard, when I became aware and acknowledged that I had this attitude problem I decided to work on it. I deliberately began to put a smile on my face whether I felt like it or not. I went out of my way to make friends and greet people regularly. I started calling people on the phone just to find out how they were. I remembered birthdays and anniversaries and sent gifts too. I have always had a generous and compassionate nature, but for some reason the state of my heart never reflected on my face and attitude. And so instead of people embracing me in friendship, I was rejected by people. I worked on the disconnect between my heart and my attitude with everything I had on the inside because I knew that if I did not I will mess up my future as I did my past. Slowly, but surely the results began to show. I began to enjoy compliments to my face and also behind in my boss’s offices.

Presently, people think I have always been a friendly and cheerful person, but the fact is that what they see is an improvement of the old me. I had to work on myself by weeding what was unpleasant and poisonous to my dreams and goals. I could not live in denial that I had a problem. How long would I want to do that as the only person it would drain and poison is me.

We need to weed our lives of unpleasantness. There is a lady I know that is an incurable gossip. Pretty, smart and very intelligent, but she cannot help gossiping. Everywhere she goes she infects with her poisonous tongue. Whenever I find myself in her company I am extra careful and choosy with my words so that I do not hear my name in the rumor mill! This is surely a stubborn weed that must be pulled out. Could the root of this ‘weed’ be insecurity, approval addiction or a need for attention? Whatever it may be such roots must be uprooted from our lives so that our lives can breathe.

I remember a young lady whose preference for relationship was older and married men. She would never date young and single men. Her warped reason was that young single men did not know how to love and take care of a woman. When she started attending church regularly, she decided to see the pastor for counseling and it was in that session that it was revealed that she did not know her biological father and had never had a father figure in her life. She longed for a father’s love and this longing was the root reason she preferred dating older married men. In a misguided way, in their arms she felt like she was in her father’s arms.

I was lazy to go back into my house to pick up a garden tool to pull out the stubborn weeds in my flower beds, deferring it for another day, but in our life issues we must not defer or delay in identifying and pulling out roots that are negative to our lives. When this young woman in my narration discovered the root of her problem, she was able to find and apply the wisdom necessary for her situation. As I speak, she is married now with children.

As a serious farmer watches over his farm and makes out time to weed so we must watch over our lives and weed all poisonous and negative habits and attitudes.

We have been told several times that habits are easy to form, but difficult to break. This is true, but I have discovered that the spirit and will of man is more powerful than any stubborn habit. The only reason we appear to be overcome by bad habits is because we have not got a revelation or understanding of the injurious effect of that habit. As soon as you do, I can assure you that you will do everything in your power to root out a poisonous habit.
- by Ebiye Tammy-Koko

The Power of Self Confidence

I was reading a book by John Mason recently and I came across these words, “You may succeed if no one else believes in you, but you will never succeed if you don’t believe in yourself”. The truth in these words hit me hard and I could not go any further in the book. I stopped reading further for days so that I could meditate on these words and get them into my spirit and being.

People put a lot of premium on networking and ‘connections’ but neglect the most vital factor in their quest for success – you. If you do not believe in your abilities or capabilities you will never succeed. That is why the subject of self confidence and self esteem are subjects that must be explored by all who desire to succeed.

We have far too many people who believe in God but do not believe in themselves. They believe God can do everything but do not believe that He will and can do great things through them. When you keep disqualifying yourself on the inside, you will never be able to wear a winning look or take a winning posture on the outside. Success is attracted to winning postures, winning actions and winning declarations.
When we are easily bowed and cowered on the inside, we will never be able to rise on the outside. It is vital that you believe in your self and also like yourself so that you may succeed in life. It is good to have an education and I advocate for the best money can buy if you can afford it, but without self confidence education can do you no good. What is the point of education when you lack the confidence to apply it to good use?

In the historical and biblical account of David and Goliath, we find an illustration of a young man who not only believed in God, but also believed in himself. Whilst all the older and more experienced soldiers in the camp of Israel shied away in fear because of the size of Goliath, David confidently approached the giant and called off his bluff. Not only did he call off his bluff, he went further by killing him with just a stone and a catapult. You will never know what you are capable of accomplishing in life until you step out in confidence. This story has many underlying truths and keys for success, but paramount is the fact that what ever skill, talent or education we have now has the potential to take us to our next level if we can only be confident of ourselves.

I remember years ago when I had a strong impression in my guts to start writing and publishing my thoughts. I knew nothing about this line of work but I went out anyway and churned out something from the press mills! Thinking back now, that piece of work was hilarious, but I was more proud of it than what I presently turn out now because without that attempt even this blog and all my other works would not have been a reality. I believe in God’s ability to use man to change the world, but more particularly, I believe that He can work through me too to make that difference. I don’t know about you but I believe that I am a priceless gift to my generation. Some may say that this is arrogance, but I do not think so. When you peep through the windows of this world and see the mountainous problems, unbelief and skepticism that is milling around, you will agree that you need a God sized image of your self to hold your head up in this life.

When you begin to believe in your self you will never accept idleness or mediocrity. You will abhor stagnancy and unproductivity because faith in one’s self gives momentum to your actions and destiny. We wait for things to happen when we believe that others have to make things happen for us, but you move and keep moving when you do realize that your success depends mostly on you. According to Frank Tyger “Your future depends on many things, but mostly on you.”

Sometimes we face circumstances that make us lose confidence in ourselves. For instance repeated rejections and successive failures may destroy our self confidence, but when we do have an understanding that we cannot afford to pack up our lives for any reason we will rise above the worst attacks on our confidence. You may lose many things in this life and never give a care but one thing you must care about and ensure you never lose is your self confidence because it is what makes things happen for you. Your self confidence will turn the ugliest story of your life to a bestseller!

Recently the world was fascinated by the rise of Kate Middleton, now Duchess of Cambridge. This was our own 21st century ‘Cinderella story’. The rise of a ‘commoner’ to royalty gave hope to many that success was possible in this life in spite of the circumstances of birth or our seeming lowly estate. However, Kate had more than luck or a shining star in her favor. She may not be a princess by birth, but she is confident of herself to walk in princely corridors. I watched and listened to most of the commentaries that day of their wedding and one common observation people made was that she was quietly confident in the face of the overwhelming ceremony and attention her wedding to the prince attracted that day. She never missed a beat nor was she caught fidgeting. People were surprised about this calm confidence displayed by Kate, but I stopped being surprised when I read that she had always being a very determined person. A lot of what people display in the open – good or bad is who or what they truly are. As you cannot cover smoke with a lid it is extremely difficult to cover the true character of a person for a long time. Above all the luck and shining stars, Kate Middleton, the Duchess of Cambridge and wife of Prince William, Duke of Cambridge is a self confident woman. It is impossible to get that far without some faith in your self.

Opportunities will come and doors will open for us, but the question is, are we confident enough to embrace the responsibilities and rewards?

Motivational speaker and columnist Frank Crane said, “Our best friends and our worst enemies are the thoughts we have about ourselves” and Norman Vincent Peale warned, “Do not build up obstacles in your imagination.” We have to look beyond our present position and circumstances and start looking at where we can be. Several people have succeeded in accomplishing great feats not because they were luckier or have brighter stars, but because they believed that they could. Many I believe can sing and perform better than Beyonce or Rihana, but they have buried themselves in obscurity because they lack the confidence to step out and take a chance. What a waste and loss.

My intention for writing this article is to point us back to ourselves once again. We have been told that God can do all things and this is the truth, but there are some things that God will not do for us. These are the things that we can and are equipped to do for ourselves. You are equipped to believe in your self and rise above every adversity that comes your way, so do. Until you do you will circle the fields of stagnancy and mediocrity for the rest of your life. On a parting note, please remember that life makes room for only those who make room for themselves and not for those who hope that room may be made for them.
Whatever ideas or dreams you have, I believe this is the time to step out and do something about them. Stop waiting for partners and cheer leaders rather step out and let the partners and cheer leaders seek you.

- By Ebiye Tammy -Koko

Flight 222

Many years ago I worked in an airline as a hostess. I traveled so much in that period of time to last me a lifetime. It is probably the reason I do not travel as much these days. Sometimes, I spent weeks outside Nigeria shuttling from one country to another. But one day, I had had enough and decided to resign. The company owed me some arears in salary and allowances and so I applied and requested these to be paid to me in full. But I was not paid. Relentlessly I pursued these payments because it was a lot of money – then.

To my rude shock, instead of a cheque I received a letter from my former employers accusing me of not remitting well over $10,000 to the accounts department on my return from a flight I was supposed to have led and managed to the Gambia. I think my mouth must have flung open as I read this letter! I was practically been accused of fraudulent conversion of company funds. I was confused. Could it be possible that I really forgot to remit the money, I asked myself, but how could I have? It is the practice of lead hosts/hostesses of flights to collect money and other documents from the country offices they fly to and then remit these to the head office upon arrival. As a matter of fact the station manager and his ground staff meet the aircrafts on arrival and we sign off on all issues in the aircraft when passengers disembark. So, there was no way in the world that I would have gone off with over $10,000. The suspicious aspect of this whole allegation was that this particular flight that I was said to have led to the Gambia was done some months ago. Why is the company just realizing that they were missing this large sum of money? Knowing the management of this company, this oversight was way out of character too.

I knew I did not take this money I was accused of but my challenge was how do I prove my innocence? Since I had resigned, the company refused me access to check their flight schedule records. I had nothing to fall back on. I was truly scared because I could so easily be slapped with a law suit if I did not come up with some hard evidence to clear my name.

The only option I had was to pray and pray I did. One day, as I laid on my bed thinking of this mess I was in, suddenly, like a flash I remembered a diary I used to keep the previous year. And something impressed on my heart strongly to find that diary and check its entries. I turned my bedroom upside down and located this pocket size diary and behold the diary contained entries I had made of my travel schedule in that particular work season. I flipped to the date in question and saw that on the very day that I was accused of being on a flight to the Gambia I had entered “ 222”, this was the company code for flights to Mumbai, India. It meant that I was not in Gambia on that particular day but en route to Mumbai in India! There was no way I could have led a flight to Gambia and also be on another one to India on the same day. From my records in the diary, both flights left the international airport in Lagos same night!

Oh what joy, peace and relief I felt. With confidence now in my heart, I sat down and crafted a very strong response to that hateful letter that broke my heart. Needless to say that was the last I heard of that matter.

Oh, what a trial that was. I learned the invaluable lesson of keeping records that season of my life. I am still not very good at it even now, but at least not as bad as I used to be. However, a recent incident in my present firm reminded me once again that I must never forget that lesson.

I read law, but I happen to have more experience in business development, management and administration having worked more in the corporate sector. So, when I decided to come back to practice law, my boss asked that I should also assist the firm with my other skills. Typical with most law firms in the country, this was without an extra pay, but I was glad to help out. Now, two days ago, a requisition was made to purchase some office stationery and my boss queried it strongly. I heard his strong objections from my office and the next thing I heard was, “Call me Mrs. Koko!” I answered this call and when I entered my boss’ office I saw the other partner seated too. And the interrogation started on the requisition. My boss categorically said that he “smelt some foul play” because an item on the requisition sheet ought not to have run out now since it was not too long ago that we bought the same item. Calmly, I asked a member of the Admin team to bring the records on my desk and we traced all the purchases of this particular item in question from the date I started assisting the firm administratively. From the records his suspicions of "foul play" were unfounded.

Just like my previous employer, my present employer was silenced and all “foul play” suspicions were laid to rest. As a matter of fact, as I packed my records and was leaving his office, he called me back and in front of the other partner thanked me for the meticulous records and released the money for the purchases. The voice of records speaks louder and is more persuasive than mere pleas of innocence or claims of integrity.

As I walked back to my office, like a flash, I remembered the airline incident of many years ago. Like in that incident, what would have been my fate if I did not have records to prove my claims? Without question, my integrity would have been smeared and I would have lost the respect of my colleagues and boss.

Many tasks we undertake in our personal lives, homes and at work may be tedious and unpleasant but they add up at the end of the day to protect and complement our lives. For instance, money and time are currencies we spend everyday but it has been my experience that not many people track or record how they spend these invaluable currencies. It may be tedious, but when you develop the habit of recording every cent or penny you spend and what you spend it on, it will prophesy to you what your future will be. It is the same with time. People who are not going anywhere waste time, but those going somewhere invest time. When you keep a time log book and track how you spend each day, you can add up time you wasted and time you invested. Wasted time does not have returns but time invested comes back to add value to our lives. It is the records that we take and keep that show whether we are wise or wasteful stewards of time, money and other resources.

However, as important as records are we must be careful what we record. Never keep record of what you do not want to remember and never repeat unduly sad or bad events in your life. Words and pictures relive events – good or bad. And so it is wiser to only record moments that will bring alive or relive happy events and moments rather than unhappy ones. Who wants to relive the day she caught her husband with another woman in a candle lit romantic restaurant? Why keep the record in your diary, then? As long as you have that record and relive the moment, you will be unable to forgive him and move on. That record will keep you locked in a painful moment in time even if you live to be 120yrs old. Emotionally you will not grow beyond that moment. It will blight your perception of men and marriage and in the end whatever counsel you give to your children on love and marriage will be blighted too.

The record I kept of “Flight 222” many years ago saved me from prosecution and the later purchase records saved my integrity and reputation. These were defining moments in my life and accurate records saved the day for me. Some of us go into business transactions with people with just a “gentleman handshake” and no formal documentation. This is not a wise decision and it may likely undo you in the future because people are at different levels of moral development. It will shock you to know that it is a very small percentage of people who can keep their initial word when money is in question. But when there is a formal documentation of obligations and considerations of parties, conduct is appropriately guided in an expected direction.

Let us wake up and close the gaps and tie the loose ends in our lives by taking and keeping appropriate records and drawing the necessary paper documentations for our business transactions. I promise you this habit will save you many sleepless nights. Endorse your signature on what needs to be signed off after a detailed scrutiny of the papers or documents, but do not endorse any project or document that raises questions in your heart no matter how urgent or important. Never forget that in an office or business environment everything we do is recorded and may come back to save or bite us in the future.

Written by Ebiye Tammy -Koko
April 16, 2011

Raise the bar!

I was sorting out what to wear to Church and I happened to sight a traditional dress I had made and collected weeks before, but not tried on. So I decided to wear it the next day for church. But first I tried it on to see if it fits. I could not believe my eyes when I wore it! The breast cups were on my neck, one hand was longer than the other and it was so tight that I could not even draw the zipper! I looked at this dress and I was speechless. The dress looked like a carpenter made it and not a tailor! Does she not have my measurement, I wondered as I looked at this sorry piece of work.

As I gaped at myself in this ‘artwork’, my sister could not help bursting into laughter. I glared at her because it was not funny at all. But the more I glared the more she laughed. Indeed I was a sight to behold in this ensemble.

My sister assisted me to struggle out of it and I neatly folded it into a bag so I could give it to another tailor if per chance they would be able to make some sense out of it for me. I am definitely done with this tailor for good, I told myself. This is not the first time I am having this type of rude shock from her. It has become a pattern that whenever she makes dresses for me she would end up amending and readjusting about two or three times before she gets it right and sometimes I have had to discard clothes she made because there was just no way for remedy.

As I folded this recent disaster into a bag I asked myself why I have continued to patronize her to date. In one of Mike Murdock's wisdom books, he wrote, "never complain about what you tolerate" so why am I tolerating and complaining about this incompetence? Why have I not severed relationship with this tailor? And like a flash I realized that I had tolerated this woman for as long as I have because she has a very pleasant nature. She is a very warm and friendly person and I am a sucker for personalities like that. But this time I have had enough.I am not paying for a pleasant nature, but for skills and if I am not getting it I need to sever the relationship.

When you open a business and put a sign on it you invite the public to treat. In other words, your open doors imply to the public that you qualify and know what you are doing. When you fail, a pleasant nature will not help you especially if in extreme cases you land your self a law suit for your professional incompetence.

People come to your office for your professional skills and not for your friendship. If you do not give them the skill they pay for they will take their business elsewhere. This is in spite of the fact that they are friends or family.

There are many unqualified business owners today. Please do not be deceived by the décor of their offices, but insist on seeing proof of previous work otherwise you may be sorry. In economies like ours, primarily because of the high rate of poverty, there are many "Jacks of all trades, but masters of none." They claim to do every thing, but cannot do one thing right. They are caterers, contractors, dress makers, hair dressers and event planners all rolled into one! Be very wary of people like this until they give you proof of competence in all the areas they claim to have expertise.

Be it a salon, a tailoring shop, a hospital or a clinic, a church, etc, we need to be careful because there are many ‘posh’ and ‘elite’ hospitals that are sending people to early graves and many churches that are not founded on God’s word.

I am presently planning to branch out in a completely new direction of business. I have a natural talent for this line of work, but talent alone is not enough. So,I enrolled in a post graduate program to be better prepared and equipped before I step out. I am doing this primarily for my self confidence and for my future clientele and also because I appreciate that skillful professionalism sells faster than a pleasant nature. A pleasant nature becomes an added value only when the right skill is in place.

Just in case you are a business owner and you are wondering why you are losing your customers or clients, could it be because you are not offering skill and professionalism? It is time we stop blaming our failures on difficult clients or the economy and work on developing our skill and service delivery.

I called my tailor and made my complaints known to her and I also advised her to acquire more skills if she wants to grow in her line of work. She apologized and asked to correct the errors, but really I am done with her services for good. The truth is I like this lady a lot. I feel really conflicted as I sever our professional relationship, but I can no longer tolerate her work. I have no problem with her as a human being, but my problem is with her tailoring skills and so I have decided to keep her as a friend, but not as my tailor anymore.

"What goes around comes around", the adage says, so I too need to raise the bar of skill, professionalism and service delivery in my chosen field because if I am found wanting professionally I would surely be passed on for a better service provider.

Ciao!

Ebiye

Dear Mama

Felicia Peters was very worried about her son. He was generally a good boy, but since he started college his attitude has turned negative.Her respectful son became rude and disrespectful to everyone at the slightest excuse and sometimes even without provocation. He was known for his thoughtfulness, rarely asked for anything except it was absolutely necessary, but he began to make unnecessary demands and became violent if all his requests were not granted. Initially, his dear mother thought he was under pressure from his school activities or probably having girl trouble. She tried to talk to him to see how she could help him, but he would not talk to her. Baffled and troubled, she decided to ask some friends with children in colleges to find out if it was a common attitude problem with students in college. But she discovered this was not necessarily a behavior pattern for college students.

Perplexed she started praying for her son. Then one day, her friend’s son confided in his mum that Felicia Peter’s son was a drug addict. When this information reached her, she broke down and wept uncontrollably. She was so heartbroken that she could not eat for days. The puzzle was finally solved. It was a drug problem. The signs were all there but she never thought that her boy could be on drugs. She now began to understand his unusual constant demand for money and the strange and sudden disappearances of money and valuable items from the house. Her son was apparently finding ways to feed his drug habit. Where did I go wrong, she asked no one in particular? What did I not do right? Where did I fail? But there were no answers.

She confronted her son and he did not deny it. As a matter of fact he asked her rudely to mind her own business. "You are my business, son, she wailed helplessly. She pleaded with him to stop drugs and offered to get him professional help, but he refused. He eventually dropped out of college and his condition became worse by the day. Sometimes he left home for days without a word and would come back looking like a lunatic, filthy and smelly with rashes all over his body. The change of her son was heartbreaking to behold.

With a broken heart she intensified her prayers. She sought the counsel of pastors and they joined her in prayers too. She never failed to make a prayer request for her son each time she was in church. Everyone knew her and the story of her son. He was a disgrace and shame to the entire family. Everyone in the family gave up hope that he will become anything of worth in life. As a matter of fact it was expected by most that sooner than later he may die of a drug overdose or a related complication.

In spite of this morbid expectations of people Felicia Peters never gave up on her boy. One day, whilst she was in church an announcement was made that the lease of the church had expired and there was need for them to move. A call was made for everyone to assist in looking for a suitable place for their relocation. After the church service she called on the Pastor and told him not to look any further because she had a property she wanted to donate to the church as a permanent dwelling place. The pastor and the elders were stupefied. They offered to pay for the property, but she refused to take any money. She said to the pastor, “I do not need money, sir. What use is money and property when I have a son that is lost to hard drugs? My only request is that God may remember me and deliver my son from this addiction. I give this land to the Lord as a seed – a point of contact for the deliverance of my son. If God resides on my property to carry on His activity of soul winning then I will be confident that one day my son’s soul, spirit and body would be saved too.” Fully understanding the weight of this donation, the senior pastor and his team with one voice cried to God and prayed yet again on her behalf. And they never ceased praying.

Fifteen years after this gift to the Lord’s church, Felicia Peter’s son married in that same church that was built on the land she gave to God. Now, fully delivered from drug addiction, successful in business, faithful worker and leader in the church, he stands proud and tall for the world to see. He got here because his dear mother would not give up on him.

I was at his wedding too and witnessed the happy turn of events. Only a mother would hold on to her child when all hope is gone.

We perceive and interpret life from different angles so I do not know what you have taken from this true life story. Speaking for myself,this story impacted me in many ways. I know Felicia Peter's son now, but I was not acquainted to him when he was an addict. So, it is extremely hard for me to believe that he was once in this pathetic state and was labelled a 'family disgrace and shame.' The transformation is simply unbelievable.

It goes to show that anything is possible and anyone can become anything in this life. It is a lesson to us all that we should never write off people or be disdainful because of their present state, level, position or circumstances. For instance, it is pretty easy to be audacious or 'talk down' at your driver (or chauffeur),house maids, secretaries, security men and office assistants,etc but we do need to be reminded that these individuals have a destiny in God just like we do too. There are some very wealthy and successful people today who at some point in their lives hawked petty wares on the streets of major cities and trekked to school without shoes. However, today their stories have changed because destinies do birth and stars do shine eventually.

Most important of all, this story drove home the truth that what we give to people only leave our hands, but never leave our lives. What you give to others, good or bad will wait for you in the future. Felicia Peters gave out a parcel of land, but today she is richer for it. She got back several more property in the past fifteen years, but above all she got her son back too.

I told this story for several reasons, but chief of all that it may encourage at least one discouraged or helpless mother to hold on and have faith in God. Whatever your child's story is be persuaded that all things are possible with God if you can believe.

To all the mothers out there, do not let go of your child. Do not discriminate between your children and do not write any child off because you never know. Do not treat your biological child better than your step child, adopted or foster child, but love all of them equally with the love of God. There is nothing you do or give to a child that is in vain or a waste because the harvest of your seed of love will be waiting for you in the future like it did for Felicia Peters.

Happy Mother’s Day and peace to all mothers in the world!

NB:The story in this post is true, but the name, ‘Felicia Peters’ is a mere figment of my imagination to cover the real identity of the characters in the story.

The Traffic Warden

Yesterday, I saw a Traffic Warden I could not help admiring on my way to work. I saw him at his duty post directing the early morning traffic. He was doing his job with so much enthusiasm that I could not help but wonder about him. Very rarely do you see traffic officers do their jobs in my country with enthusiasm and cheer, but this particular man was a first for me. There was so much energy and passion applied to his task that you could not help but notice him. As he directed me on I could see passion and life in his every action.

My first thought was, ‘why is he so happy?’ but then I caught myself quickly, why should he not be? Traffic police officers are not paid much in my neck of the wood, but this man was joyfully doing his part to serve God and country. There may be nothing to envy about his financial and social status yet he exuded confidence and joy and in the process motivated and inspired people watching him to be happy.

As I drove to work and in the course of the day I kept thinking about this happy man. My conclusion is that we determine how we live in this life. Sadness and joy are choices that every human being will make. This man made a choice that morning to be happy, but others like him made a choice to be dull and grumpy. The attitudinal choices we make determine the outcome of each day, each month and each year.

In the same vein, I had the privilege of making the acquaintance of a couple who had been married for 19 years without a child. This is not by choice, mind you. They desire to have children, but have not been able to in spite of the best medical assistance and fervent prayers. When I first got to know about their circumstance I was very shocked because you will never know by watching them. They are so happy and full of faith in God. I had a conversation with them one day and the gentleman said to me, “My sister, it does not bother me. Why should I worry and make myself unhappy about what I have no power to change?”This wonderful couple stand by each other and together are quenching the fiery flames that are burning in the homes of others who have the same kind of challenge. Their stoic faith in God and for each other motivates other couples to be happy and hopeful too. Yet there are couples who have separated or divorced on account of this same challenge. A wise man once said (I am paraphrasing), “I may not be able to control what happens to me in life, but I can control how I respond or react to those things.” It is this attitudinal adjustment that determines our joy or sadness in life.

A new month has just begun. I want to ask, what will your choices be? Happiness or sadness? The reality of life is that no one can make you happy, but you. Those who married with the belief that their spouses were created to humor them always must have been rudely shocked. There is no perfect man or woman and there is no perfect job or friend. It is only our attitudes in imperfect relationships and circumstances that create joy and happiness for us.

The best advice i can give to myself and to anyone who cares to listen is this,do not wait for events to make you happy rather create happy events for yourself. I have discovered that life is pretty much ordinary, but we can make every day spectacular by our choices. Are you divorced? This is a tough situation, but you can be happy again, I assure you. However, it will take only you to pull yourself out from the pit of depression and loneliness.

Our issues can either be like mountains or mole hills depending on our view of them. Through the lens of joy and optimism they become mole hills, but through the lens of sadness, they become like mountains. Let us opt for the lens of joy.
Let us opt for the choice of the Traffic Warden to be happy and infect whoever we come across with joy and happiness.

It is a weekend now and what better time to relax and be happy with life...be innovative and do something different from last weekend with your loved ones and family. Buy your spouse a gift or take him/her out on a date.

Pour your life into that of another...do something to lift the spirit of someone this weekend and I assure you that you will find reasons to be happy with your life like the Traffic Warden.

Peace.

That Simple...

A few months ago my younger brother had an altercation with a friend and the friend poured boiling hot water on his face whilst he was sleeping. It was a very serious problem because the friend was arrested and locked up by the police on charges of attempted murder.

This incident happened about 2am on the fateful day and my brother was rushed to the hospital. My brother’s face was scalded badly by the hot water. It looked very bad indeed. He was attended to by the doctors, but my fear was for his face. I was grateful to God that the hot water did not get into his eyes, but I was still worried about his face. Would he be disfigured for life? What permanent scars would he have to live with?

As I was worrying over this a thought crossed my mind and it was ‘Why not pray about it?’ I remembered immediately that what I cannot do or change, God can. So for three consecutive days I woke up between 12a.m. and 1a.m. to commit my brother into the hands of God. I asked the Lord specifically for two things: (1) Lord, shorten the healing process on my brother’s face and (2) Lord, leave no scars on his face that will remind us of the incident by the end of the week.

My brother came to visit us by the end of the week and truly there was no scar on his face. He was completely healed. As a matter of fact, his face looked smoother and fresher than it was before the incident! There were no pains and no sign on his face to remind or tell of the story. God gave me exactly what I asked. It was that simple.

We have since moved on from this confusing time including my brother. The friend who did this to him has asked for forgiveness and we have forgiven him. He too has been released by the police since my brother was not interested in pressing charges.

I am reminded to share this story because of something that happened in my home a few days ago. I got back home from work and my sister who lives with me and my son ran out to meet me at the garage to tell me that my 3 year old daughter had a domestic accident and cut the upper part of her eye! I had not even turned off the ignition of my car when I was getting this report. My daughter likes to climb and jump on everything she sees and apparently on this day she was climbing and jumping on a chair and she slipped and fell hitting the upper part of her eye on the sharp wooden edge of the chair! I got into the house and saw my daughter and I immediately cleaned the wound with an antiseptic and put an ointment on it. As I was cleaning it I saw that the cut was quite deep. All the while my daughter was crying.

Just like my brother, my daughter’s eye was spared by a few inches. It could have been worse. I thanked God for sparing her eye, but I did not want any scar on her her face or complications.I also wanted a speedy healing. Right there and then, in my work clothes, after I cleansed the cut, I laid my hands on the spot and prayed. My son, my sister and my domestic assistant were present too and I asked God for a speedy healing without scars and complications and everyone agreed with an ‘Amen’. Thereafter I put her to bed.

The next day when my little girl came to say good morning to my husband and I, there was no swelling and I could see that the healing process was in progress. By the next day, this deep cut was almost completely healed. And on the third day, when I got back from work, my daughter ran to meet me in the car and said, “Mummy, my wound is gone!” People who saw the cut are still in amazement. This is the power of prayer.

Prayer works. Unfortunately many of us do not pray or no longer pray because of our busy schedules. We need to make some adjustments in our schedules to talk to God about our circumstances. God hears everything we say, (good or bad) so we should cultivate a lifestyle of talking to Him about our desires. Sometimes it may appear like He is not there, but believe me He is always there by your side. These two incidents in my life have rejuvenated my desire to pray about everything, small or great. Prayer is not about how long or how short, but more about the quality of the prayer. Quality prayer is prayer that involves the entirety of your heart. In other words, it may be as short as five minutes, but within that time all of your heart is involved as against praying for one hour and all the while thinking of the next football game or the food you want to eat later! So let us get our hearts involved and get the attention of God on our case.

Thank You Lord for answering my simple prayers. I ask Father that you answer the prayers of everyone who reads this post and comes to you in prayer for a troubling situation in their lives in Jesus name. Amen!
Ciao!

A Dress hunt!

I was invited to a wedding a few weeks ago and it was a wedding that the crème de la crème of the society was expected. To prepare for it I thought I should have a new dress and so the hunt started. I combed shops in the city just to get the right dress. The traffic did not help matters and to add to that I had a fever so it was very uncomfortable and frustrating for me. Yet I had to get that dress. I visited many shops and tried several outfits. Initially some fit, but the price did not fit! (You know what I mean, too pricey) In other cases the price fit, but the dress just did not! On and on I went until I was exhausted and just when I was about to give up and forget the event altogether I found a shop with the dress that fit and the price that fit too! And guess when I found that dress? On the day of the event! I just won’t give up! The wedding was supposed to be by 10am, so I left my house as early as 8am to continue my hunt for a dress! I finally got it and rushed to the house to get ready.

When I was done and looked at myself in the mirror, I thought to myself, ‘not bad at all’ I really did look great. And my husband and kids thought so too. I rushed to the car and sped off, not wanting to be too late because I was already late from dress hunting. Typical ‘African Time’ I got there an hour late and they had not even started!

I waited in church with the other guests until the service kicked off. After the exchange of vows and the signing of the register I went home. I spent just an hour at that wedding. On my way home I looked at the dress I was wearing and wondered why I fussed as I did for it. I could not help asking myself, ‘was it just for an hour’s event that I had to put myself under pressure to get a dress?’ The more I reflected on my behavior, the more I was worried about it. I had dresses I could have worn, but why did I not choose one of them? Whom was I trying to impress? Could I be insecure in any way? The questions came down hard on me like a relentless down pour.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with shopping for clothes or looking your best for an event or party. As a matter of fact how would people know that you are a woman unless you fuss about clothes and looks sometimes? My daughter at 3 is very conscious of her looks now. She wants to wear lipstick and polish her nails too. And God have mercy if you buy her a new dress because she would fret and scream until she wears it! This is a woman for you, 3 or 40, we love to look good and so we love to dress up. And frankly, the right clothes give a certain confidence too. Yet we need to scrutinize the motives that drive this need for a new dress for every occasion.

In my unconscious state my motive was to impress the other guests and to ensure that I did not wear a dress that I had previously worn in another event just in case some one from that previous event was present in this one too! This in my opinion is a case of insecurity and an undue over evaluation of my self. Many times it is this over estimation of one’s self that makes us think that people are talking about us even when they are not! It will amaze you to know how very little time people have for you. Apart from an inconsequential few, people really are too self- centered and too preoccupied with their own affairs to spare a thought on you not to mention what you wore and did not wear. If we find our selves in a company that gossip about such trivialities, it is my submission that we are not mixing with the right crowd. I do not care about their celebrity status or the size of their bank accounts, if they have the time to talk about how many times you have repeated a dress for an occasion they are shallow and you have no business keeping such company.

My anecdotal was about a dress, but the point covers many other issues in our lives. I do not know what you are doing or about to do in your life right now. If it is something that you have prayed about and you know will add value to you as a person and to humanity at large please go right ahead and do it. However, if it is borne out of a competitive spirit, to impress, to show off or to prove a point to so and so, it is not worth it.

When I realized my error I made up my mind to turn a new leaf. Last weekend, my husband and I were invited to a ‘Red Ball’ and the dress code was formal with a touch of red. Ordinarily I would have bought a new dress, but I opted for a combination of outfits in my wardrobe that respected the dress code and the effect was lovely. The ‘Red ball’ was a wonderful affair and the women added color to it with their red evening dresses and lovely accessories, but I could not help wondering if they went through some pressure just to wear that dress for that evening alone.

Does it mean I will not buy new clothes for myself anymore? Of course not, I will buy clothes, but at least my motives would be right when I do.
Ciao!

A Soft Answer

I had an accident yesterday on my way home from work. The traffic was very heavy and every one was impatient to get home. I am not exactly sure how it happened but the next minute I had collided with another car! I remained in my car, but the other driver angrily got out of his to inspect the damage. When he saw it he became more angry! He ranted and raved, but I remained very quiet in my car. A police man came over and directed me how to inch away from the other car so that they could make a proper assessment and I did.All the while the other driver was angrily cursing! Eventually the traffic began to flow again and the police man asked me to park properly so we could negotiate on repairs, but I asked them to follow me to a clearer part of the road so I could give them my contact details and we can meet at my office.

As I started to move on, I kept looking back through my rear window to ensure that they were following, but at some point I noticed that they detoured and went another way. I slowed at the entrance to my street and kept looking out for the driver and the police man, but they never showed up so I drove home. It was when I got home that I inspected my car too. I suffered light scratches but nothing major. I said a thank you to the Lord. I would not have wanted to bring an unexpected bill to my husband.

I thanked God not only for the fact that my car was not damaged, but for the entire incident. I knew without a doubt that it could have been worse if not for the wisdom of God. When the accident happened and the other driver started to shout at me angrily, the words that crept quietly into my heart was "a soft answer drives away wrath.." And I knew that was a word from the book of proverbs and so I obeyed and kept quiet. When I eventually spoke and asked them to follow me it was in a quiet controlled voice and the result was that they decided to go their way and leave me alone.

A potential calamity was turned around because of the wisdom of quietness in the face of contention. As a lawyer I could have come out of my car and tried to prove some point but I do not think the result would have been as peaceful as this.

Too often we want to assert our right and prove a point, but sometimes a better way is quietness, stillness and silence. We do not have to have an answer for every issue neither do we need to prove a point or have our way every time. Sometimes it may just be wiser to let other people have their way even if they are wrong and you are right. Why fight wars that do not have bounties?

Deep inside us we have respect for people who have the strength to over look insults and look the other way for a greater purpose. Yes, those without foresight may think and say that they are weak, but in the end it is easily determined who is the stronger of the two. The way of peace will always be superior than the way to war. Offenses will always come and as my husband would say, some people are created just to cause other people offenses! So it is not wise to answer every offense with an offense.

If couples would walk in this wisdom, there would be fewer heated arguments at home.

I was so happy with the outcome of that accident that I have decided to keep learning to be still and to be quiet. Who cares if anyone thinks I am weak, what is important to me is that I create an environment of peace and not war around me.

My Son

My son turned 10 yesterday. We wanted to have a party for him, but he insisted he did not want a party because "canopy parties", he said, were for "babies" and that his friends would laugh at him! All he wanted was that we take him out with a few of his friends for a meal and some fun. So that was what we did. I invited a few close friends and their children and some family and we went to one of the fun places in town for children and everyone had a great time.

My husband and I planned to give him a bike as a gift - as a matter of fact we had already ordered it, but it did not arrive on the day, so we could not present it. But my son wanted something else - a 'Bakugan ball' (I am not sure about the spelling now).I did not tell him about the bike because I wanted to surprise him, but he wanted this bakugan ball and I promised I would get it for him.

We got home quite late and I noticed that my son was not very happy and I asked him why. He told me that it was because we did not get him the bakugan ball. My husband and I could not believe it! We had gone to a lot of length to make sure he had fun with his friends, but because of one very 'little' piece of toy he was unhappy.

Well, we may not understand it, we may think that his desire does not make sense, but the fact is that it meant something to him. A promise is a promise, we will get it for him as soon as the shops open.

There are two perspectives to this incident. On the one hand, you could say that my son was ungrateful. Why was he not satisfied with everything we had done for him? But on the other hand, was he really being ungrateful? Did I not promise and raise his hopes?

My son typifies man in general. When we desire or want a particular thing and it is not done, we become discouraged with life and sink into depression. We lose taste for life and even for our loved ones. We stop appreciating the people and the things God has blessed us with just because one particular expectation was not met or one prayer was not answered.

My son's expectation or desire was a 'bakugan' toy. What is yours? What are you expecting so badly in life, but have not got? What have you been praying about for so long, but the answer is yet to come? Just like my son, your desire may not make sense to anyone but it is genuinely important to you. It is your desire, something you really want and will make you happy no doubt, but is it enough to spoil your day and blight the rest of your life?

The desire to have a child is a genuine and legitimate desire and so is the desire for financial independence and a happy marriage. Yet, if we can be fair, God has been faithful to us in spite of these unmet desires.

I will be picking up my son from school this afternoon, but before I do I will stop by at the shop to buy the toy he wants so badly. As at yesterday, he thought his world was over just because he did not get this toy, but what he did not know was that it was not a denial, but a delay. The logistics of the day did not allow us pick up the toy yesterday, but surely if the store has it in stock I will pick a box for him today.

I assure you that your desire from the Lord will surely come. That there is a delay does not mean that it has been denied you. God may be working on some 'spiritual logistics' that you can not see. And in due time ...in His time your expectation will come and it will not be delayed.

Cheer up, it is not over yet. When depression and ingratitude comes knocking on the door of your heart regarding those 'unanswered' prayers think of my son and his toy and be rest assured that God who is a loving parent is working round the clock to ensure you have your desires in your hands...soon.
Peace.

A wedding...

I attended a wedding today and as usual I was all teary eyed. I don't know why that happens to me at weddings. I usually feel a lump in my throat that practically makes me speechless and then the tears will form in my eyes...

It was a beautiful wedding. As I watched the couple dancing and so happy I could not help wondering what was waiting for them in the future as they start on this journey together. The good times and the bad times and how these experiences will shape their love for each other. Will they grow closer or will they drift apart with each passing event? What are the pleasant and shocking discoveries they will make of each other as they journey together?

The good book says that all things work together for good to those who love God and who are called according to His purpose so I believe that the experiences we have in life at the end of the day are to make us better and stronger people.However, the way we manage the adverse experiences or conflicts in life determine whether we come out better or worse at the end.

As I watched this couple as they were pronounced husband and wife, I sincerely prayed and hoped in my heart that they are emotionally mature enough to keep learning and growing in the art of conflict management.It is the only path to peace and happiness in any relationship involving more than just you.

To this wonderful new couple and to all who are married, I wish you God's blessing and prosperity. May He teach and guide you each day and may you also learn to obey and trust Him in Jesus name!

Road Construction

There is a road construction going on presently along the route I usually take to work and back home. As expected this construction work is causing a lot of traffic. The first day I fell into the stream of it I called my husband three times to complain! It took me approximately one hour to get to work when on a good day I would have made it for 10mins! I dislike going late to work, but it cannot be helped as there are no better alternatives. The other routes are too long and besides they probably may be worse that time of the morning.


Left with no choice, I had to flow with the traffic day after day. Towards the end of the week, I noticed that I was no longer complaining. As a matter of fact I noticed that I was getting used to the slow traffic.When this realization dawned on me I began to wonder about human nature. How many inconvenient, annoying and uncomfortable situations have I got used to in my life? What irregularity of life have I accepted as the norm that should not be? What should I confront, but have resigned myself to accept?


Like the annoying traffic, a lot of us are stuck in jobs we do not enjoy, but remain because we believe we have no choice. We remain in relationships that are not going anywhere because we are afraid to be lonely. Each day I drive to work I see the progress in the road work and so I know for sure that I will enjoy smooth traffic again in the very near future. What about you? Do you see progress in your present position? Will your present position or circumstances at work change for the better? Will that man you are dating propose anytime soon or is he just wasting your time? Take a good look at your life right now and tell me, are you enjoying your life as it is or are you just resigned to it?

You have the power to create a beautiful life for yourself. Stop accepting and resigning your self to ugly situations.You have to stop allowing people insult and abuse you. The life is yours and not theirs. You are worthy to be appreciated and celebrated so stop keeping company with those who do not care about you. Do not be afraid to select between what you want and do not want out of life. Take charge of your life and truly live.