A Dress hunt!

I was invited to a wedding a few weeks ago and it was a wedding that the crème de la crème of the society was expected. To prepare for it I thought I should have a new dress and so the hunt started. I combed shops in the city just to get the right dress. The traffic did not help matters and to add to that I had a fever so it was very uncomfortable and frustrating for me. Yet I had to get that dress. I visited many shops and tried several outfits. Initially some fit, but the price did not fit! (You know what I mean, too pricey) In other cases the price fit, but the dress just did not! On and on I went until I was exhausted and just when I was about to give up and forget the event altogether I found a shop with the dress that fit and the price that fit too! And guess when I found that dress? On the day of the event! I just won’t give up! The wedding was supposed to be by 10am, so I left my house as early as 8am to continue my hunt for a dress! I finally got it and rushed to the house to get ready.

When I was done and looked at myself in the mirror, I thought to myself, ‘not bad at all’ I really did look great. And my husband and kids thought so too. I rushed to the car and sped off, not wanting to be too late because I was already late from dress hunting. Typical ‘African Time’ I got there an hour late and they had not even started!

I waited in church with the other guests until the service kicked off. After the exchange of vows and the signing of the register I went home. I spent just an hour at that wedding. On my way home I looked at the dress I was wearing and wondered why I fussed as I did for it. I could not help asking myself, ‘was it just for an hour’s event that I had to put myself under pressure to get a dress?’ The more I reflected on my behavior, the more I was worried about it. I had dresses I could have worn, but why did I not choose one of them? Whom was I trying to impress? Could I be insecure in any way? The questions came down hard on me like a relentless down pour.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with shopping for clothes or looking your best for an event or party. As a matter of fact how would people know that you are a woman unless you fuss about clothes and looks sometimes? My daughter at 3 is very conscious of her looks now. She wants to wear lipstick and polish her nails too. And God have mercy if you buy her a new dress because she would fret and scream until she wears it! This is a woman for you, 3 or 40, we love to look good and so we love to dress up. And frankly, the right clothes give a certain confidence too. Yet we need to scrutinize the motives that drive this need for a new dress for every occasion.

In my unconscious state my motive was to impress the other guests and to ensure that I did not wear a dress that I had previously worn in another event just in case some one from that previous event was present in this one too! This in my opinion is a case of insecurity and an undue over evaluation of my self. Many times it is this over estimation of one’s self that makes us think that people are talking about us even when they are not! It will amaze you to know how very little time people have for you. Apart from an inconsequential few, people really are too self- centered and too preoccupied with their own affairs to spare a thought on you not to mention what you wore and did not wear. If we find our selves in a company that gossip about such trivialities, it is my submission that we are not mixing with the right crowd. I do not care about their celebrity status or the size of their bank accounts, if they have the time to talk about how many times you have repeated a dress for an occasion they are shallow and you have no business keeping such company.

My anecdotal was about a dress, but the point covers many other issues in our lives. I do not know what you are doing or about to do in your life right now. If it is something that you have prayed about and you know will add value to you as a person and to humanity at large please go right ahead and do it. However, if it is borne out of a competitive spirit, to impress, to show off or to prove a point to so and so, it is not worth it.

When I realized my error I made up my mind to turn a new leaf. Last weekend, my husband and I were invited to a ‘Red Ball’ and the dress code was formal with a touch of red. Ordinarily I would have bought a new dress, but I opted for a combination of outfits in my wardrobe that respected the dress code and the effect was lovely. The ‘Red ball’ was a wonderful affair and the women added color to it with their red evening dresses and lovely accessories, but I could not help wondering if they went through some pressure just to wear that dress for that evening alone.

Does it mean I will not buy new clothes for myself anymore? Of course not, I will buy clothes, but at least my motives would be right when I do.
Ciao!