Dear Mama

Felicia Peters was very worried about her son. He was generally a good boy, but since he started college his attitude has turned negative.Her respectful son became rude and disrespectful to everyone at the slightest excuse and sometimes even without provocation. He was known for his thoughtfulness, rarely asked for anything except it was absolutely necessary, but he began to make unnecessary demands and became violent if all his requests were not granted. Initially, his dear mother thought he was under pressure from his school activities or probably having girl trouble. She tried to talk to him to see how she could help him, but he would not talk to her. Baffled and troubled, she decided to ask some friends with children in colleges to find out if it was a common attitude problem with students in college. But she discovered this was not necessarily a behavior pattern for college students.

Perplexed she started praying for her son. Then one day, her friend’s son confided in his mum that Felicia Peter’s son was a drug addict. When this information reached her, she broke down and wept uncontrollably. She was so heartbroken that she could not eat for days. The puzzle was finally solved. It was a drug problem. The signs were all there but she never thought that her boy could be on drugs. She now began to understand his unusual constant demand for money and the strange and sudden disappearances of money and valuable items from the house. Her son was apparently finding ways to feed his drug habit. Where did I go wrong, she asked no one in particular? What did I not do right? Where did I fail? But there were no answers.

She confronted her son and he did not deny it. As a matter of fact he asked her rudely to mind her own business. "You are my business, son, she wailed helplessly. She pleaded with him to stop drugs and offered to get him professional help, but he refused. He eventually dropped out of college and his condition became worse by the day. Sometimes he left home for days without a word and would come back looking like a lunatic, filthy and smelly with rashes all over his body. The change of her son was heartbreaking to behold.

With a broken heart she intensified her prayers. She sought the counsel of pastors and they joined her in prayers too. She never failed to make a prayer request for her son each time she was in church. Everyone knew her and the story of her son. He was a disgrace and shame to the entire family. Everyone in the family gave up hope that he will become anything of worth in life. As a matter of fact it was expected by most that sooner than later he may die of a drug overdose or a related complication.

In spite of this morbid expectations of people Felicia Peters never gave up on her boy. One day, whilst she was in church an announcement was made that the lease of the church had expired and there was need for them to move. A call was made for everyone to assist in looking for a suitable place for their relocation. After the church service she called on the Pastor and told him not to look any further because she had a property she wanted to donate to the church as a permanent dwelling place. The pastor and the elders were stupefied. They offered to pay for the property, but she refused to take any money. She said to the pastor, “I do not need money, sir. What use is money and property when I have a son that is lost to hard drugs? My only request is that God may remember me and deliver my son from this addiction. I give this land to the Lord as a seed – a point of contact for the deliverance of my son. If God resides on my property to carry on His activity of soul winning then I will be confident that one day my son’s soul, spirit and body would be saved too.” Fully understanding the weight of this donation, the senior pastor and his team with one voice cried to God and prayed yet again on her behalf. And they never ceased praying.

Fifteen years after this gift to the Lord’s church, Felicia Peter’s son married in that same church that was built on the land she gave to God. Now, fully delivered from drug addiction, successful in business, faithful worker and leader in the church, he stands proud and tall for the world to see. He got here because his dear mother would not give up on him.

I was at his wedding too and witnessed the happy turn of events. Only a mother would hold on to her child when all hope is gone.

We perceive and interpret life from different angles so I do not know what you have taken from this true life story. Speaking for myself,this story impacted me in many ways. I know Felicia Peter's son now, but I was not acquainted to him when he was an addict. So, it is extremely hard for me to believe that he was once in this pathetic state and was labelled a 'family disgrace and shame.' The transformation is simply unbelievable.

It goes to show that anything is possible and anyone can become anything in this life. It is a lesson to us all that we should never write off people or be disdainful because of their present state, level, position or circumstances. For instance, it is pretty easy to be audacious or 'talk down' at your driver (or chauffeur),house maids, secretaries, security men and office assistants,etc but we do need to be reminded that these individuals have a destiny in God just like we do too. There are some very wealthy and successful people today who at some point in their lives hawked petty wares on the streets of major cities and trekked to school without shoes. However, today their stories have changed because destinies do birth and stars do shine eventually.

Most important of all, this story drove home the truth that what we give to people only leave our hands, but never leave our lives. What you give to others, good or bad will wait for you in the future. Felicia Peters gave out a parcel of land, but today she is richer for it. She got back several more property in the past fifteen years, but above all she got her son back too.

I told this story for several reasons, but chief of all that it may encourage at least one discouraged or helpless mother to hold on and have faith in God. Whatever your child's story is be persuaded that all things are possible with God if you can believe.

To all the mothers out there, do not let go of your child. Do not discriminate between your children and do not write any child off because you never know. Do not treat your biological child better than your step child, adopted or foster child, but love all of them equally with the love of God. There is nothing you do or give to a child that is in vain or a waste because the harvest of your seed of love will be waiting for you in the future like it did for Felicia Peters.

Happy Mother’s Day and peace to all mothers in the world!

NB:The story in this post is true, but the name, ‘Felicia Peters’ is a mere figment of my imagination to cover the real identity of the characters in the story.

The Traffic Warden

Yesterday, I saw a Traffic Warden I could not help admiring on my way to work. I saw him at his duty post directing the early morning traffic. He was doing his job with so much enthusiasm that I could not help but wonder about him. Very rarely do you see traffic officers do their jobs in my country with enthusiasm and cheer, but this particular man was a first for me. There was so much energy and passion applied to his task that you could not help but notice him. As he directed me on I could see passion and life in his every action.

My first thought was, ‘why is he so happy?’ but then I caught myself quickly, why should he not be? Traffic police officers are not paid much in my neck of the wood, but this man was joyfully doing his part to serve God and country. There may be nothing to envy about his financial and social status yet he exuded confidence and joy and in the process motivated and inspired people watching him to be happy.

As I drove to work and in the course of the day I kept thinking about this happy man. My conclusion is that we determine how we live in this life. Sadness and joy are choices that every human being will make. This man made a choice that morning to be happy, but others like him made a choice to be dull and grumpy. The attitudinal choices we make determine the outcome of each day, each month and each year.

In the same vein, I had the privilege of making the acquaintance of a couple who had been married for 19 years without a child. This is not by choice, mind you. They desire to have children, but have not been able to in spite of the best medical assistance and fervent prayers. When I first got to know about their circumstance I was very shocked because you will never know by watching them. They are so happy and full of faith in God. I had a conversation with them one day and the gentleman said to me, “My sister, it does not bother me. Why should I worry and make myself unhappy about what I have no power to change?”This wonderful couple stand by each other and together are quenching the fiery flames that are burning in the homes of others who have the same kind of challenge. Their stoic faith in God and for each other motivates other couples to be happy and hopeful too. Yet there are couples who have separated or divorced on account of this same challenge. A wise man once said (I am paraphrasing), “I may not be able to control what happens to me in life, but I can control how I respond or react to those things.” It is this attitudinal adjustment that determines our joy or sadness in life.

A new month has just begun. I want to ask, what will your choices be? Happiness or sadness? The reality of life is that no one can make you happy, but you. Those who married with the belief that their spouses were created to humor them always must have been rudely shocked. There is no perfect man or woman and there is no perfect job or friend. It is only our attitudes in imperfect relationships and circumstances that create joy and happiness for us.

The best advice i can give to myself and to anyone who cares to listen is this,do not wait for events to make you happy rather create happy events for yourself. I have discovered that life is pretty much ordinary, but we can make every day spectacular by our choices. Are you divorced? This is a tough situation, but you can be happy again, I assure you. However, it will take only you to pull yourself out from the pit of depression and loneliness.

Our issues can either be like mountains or mole hills depending on our view of them. Through the lens of joy and optimism they become mole hills, but through the lens of sadness, they become like mountains. Let us opt for the lens of joy.
Let us opt for the choice of the Traffic Warden to be happy and infect whoever we come across with joy and happiness.

It is a weekend now and what better time to relax and be happy with life...be innovative and do something different from last weekend with your loved ones and family. Buy your spouse a gift or take him/her out on a date.

Pour your life into that of another...do something to lift the spirit of someone this weekend and I assure you that you will find reasons to be happy with your life like the Traffic Warden.

Peace.

That Simple...

A few months ago my younger brother had an altercation with a friend and the friend poured boiling hot water on his face whilst he was sleeping. It was a very serious problem because the friend was arrested and locked up by the police on charges of attempted murder.

This incident happened about 2am on the fateful day and my brother was rushed to the hospital. My brother’s face was scalded badly by the hot water. It looked very bad indeed. He was attended to by the doctors, but my fear was for his face. I was grateful to God that the hot water did not get into his eyes, but I was still worried about his face. Would he be disfigured for life? What permanent scars would he have to live with?

As I was worrying over this a thought crossed my mind and it was ‘Why not pray about it?’ I remembered immediately that what I cannot do or change, God can. So for three consecutive days I woke up between 12a.m. and 1a.m. to commit my brother into the hands of God. I asked the Lord specifically for two things: (1) Lord, shorten the healing process on my brother’s face and (2) Lord, leave no scars on his face that will remind us of the incident by the end of the week.

My brother came to visit us by the end of the week and truly there was no scar on his face. He was completely healed. As a matter of fact, his face looked smoother and fresher than it was before the incident! There were no pains and no sign on his face to remind or tell of the story. God gave me exactly what I asked. It was that simple.

We have since moved on from this confusing time including my brother. The friend who did this to him has asked for forgiveness and we have forgiven him. He too has been released by the police since my brother was not interested in pressing charges.

I am reminded to share this story because of something that happened in my home a few days ago. I got back home from work and my sister who lives with me and my son ran out to meet me at the garage to tell me that my 3 year old daughter had a domestic accident and cut the upper part of her eye! I had not even turned off the ignition of my car when I was getting this report. My daughter likes to climb and jump on everything she sees and apparently on this day she was climbing and jumping on a chair and she slipped and fell hitting the upper part of her eye on the sharp wooden edge of the chair! I got into the house and saw my daughter and I immediately cleaned the wound with an antiseptic and put an ointment on it. As I was cleaning it I saw that the cut was quite deep. All the while my daughter was crying.

Just like my brother, my daughter’s eye was spared by a few inches. It could have been worse. I thanked God for sparing her eye, but I did not want any scar on her her face or complications.I also wanted a speedy healing. Right there and then, in my work clothes, after I cleansed the cut, I laid my hands on the spot and prayed. My son, my sister and my domestic assistant were present too and I asked God for a speedy healing without scars and complications and everyone agreed with an ‘Amen’. Thereafter I put her to bed.

The next day when my little girl came to say good morning to my husband and I, there was no swelling and I could see that the healing process was in progress. By the next day, this deep cut was almost completely healed. And on the third day, when I got back from work, my daughter ran to meet me in the car and said, “Mummy, my wound is gone!” People who saw the cut are still in amazement. This is the power of prayer.

Prayer works. Unfortunately many of us do not pray or no longer pray because of our busy schedules. We need to make some adjustments in our schedules to talk to God about our circumstances. God hears everything we say, (good or bad) so we should cultivate a lifestyle of talking to Him about our desires. Sometimes it may appear like He is not there, but believe me He is always there by your side. These two incidents in my life have rejuvenated my desire to pray about everything, small or great. Prayer is not about how long or how short, but more about the quality of the prayer. Quality prayer is prayer that involves the entirety of your heart. In other words, it may be as short as five minutes, but within that time all of your heart is involved as against praying for one hour and all the while thinking of the next football game or the food you want to eat later! So let us get our hearts involved and get the attention of God on our case.

Thank You Lord for answering my simple prayers. I ask Father that you answer the prayers of everyone who reads this post and comes to you in prayer for a troubling situation in their lives in Jesus name. Amen!
Ciao!

A Dress hunt!

I was invited to a wedding a few weeks ago and it was a wedding that the crème de la crème of the society was expected. To prepare for it I thought I should have a new dress and so the hunt started. I combed shops in the city just to get the right dress. The traffic did not help matters and to add to that I had a fever so it was very uncomfortable and frustrating for me. Yet I had to get that dress. I visited many shops and tried several outfits. Initially some fit, but the price did not fit! (You know what I mean, too pricey) In other cases the price fit, but the dress just did not! On and on I went until I was exhausted and just when I was about to give up and forget the event altogether I found a shop with the dress that fit and the price that fit too! And guess when I found that dress? On the day of the event! I just won’t give up! The wedding was supposed to be by 10am, so I left my house as early as 8am to continue my hunt for a dress! I finally got it and rushed to the house to get ready.

When I was done and looked at myself in the mirror, I thought to myself, ‘not bad at all’ I really did look great. And my husband and kids thought so too. I rushed to the car and sped off, not wanting to be too late because I was already late from dress hunting. Typical ‘African Time’ I got there an hour late and they had not even started!

I waited in church with the other guests until the service kicked off. After the exchange of vows and the signing of the register I went home. I spent just an hour at that wedding. On my way home I looked at the dress I was wearing and wondered why I fussed as I did for it. I could not help asking myself, ‘was it just for an hour’s event that I had to put myself under pressure to get a dress?’ The more I reflected on my behavior, the more I was worried about it. I had dresses I could have worn, but why did I not choose one of them? Whom was I trying to impress? Could I be insecure in any way? The questions came down hard on me like a relentless down pour.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with shopping for clothes or looking your best for an event or party. As a matter of fact how would people know that you are a woman unless you fuss about clothes and looks sometimes? My daughter at 3 is very conscious of her looks now. She wants to wear lipstick and polish her nails too. And God have mercy if you buy her a new dress because she would fret and scream until she wears it! This is a woman for you, 3 or 40, we love to look good and so we love to dress up. And frankly, the right clothes give a certain confidence too. Yet we need to scrutinize the motives that drive this need for a new dress for every occasion.

In my unconscious state my motive was to impress the other guests and to ensure that I did not wear a dress that I had previously worn in another event just in case some one from that previous event was present in this one too! This in my opinion is a case of insecurity and an undue over evaluation of my self. Many times it is this over estimation of one’s self that makes us think that people are talking about us even when they are not! It will amaze you to know how very little time people have for you. Apart from an inconsequential few, people really are too self- centered and too preoccupied with their own affairs to spare a thought on you not to mention what you wore and did not wear. If we find our selves in a company that gossip about such trivialities, it is my submission that we are not mixing with the right crowd. I do not care about their celebrity status or the size of their bank accounts, if they have the time to talk about how many times you have repeated a dress for an occasion they are shallow and you have no business keeping such company.

My anecdotal was about a dress, but the point covers many other issues in our lives. I do not know what you are doing or about to do in your life right now. If it is something that you have prayed about and you know will add value to you as a person and to humanity at large please go right ahead and do it. However, if it is borne out of a competitive spirit, to impress, to show off or to prove a point to so and so, it is not worth it.

When I realized my error I made up my mind to turn a new leaf. Last weekend, my husband and I were invited to a ‘Red Ball’ and the dress code was formal with a touch of red. Ordinarily I would have bought a new dress, but I opted for a combination of outfits in my wardrobe that respected the dress code and the effect was lovely. The ‘Red ball’ was a wonderful affair and the women added color to it with their red evening dresses and lovely accessories, but I could not help wondering if they went through some pressure just to wear that dress for that evening alone.

Does it mean I will not buy new clothes for myself anymore? Of course not, I will buy clothes, but at least my motives would be right when I do.
Ciao!

A Soft Answer

I had an accident yesterday on my way home from work. The traffic was very heavy and every one was impatient to get home. I am not exactly sure how it happened but the next minute I had collided with another car! I remained in my car, but the other driver angrily got out of his to inspect the damage. When he saw it he became more angry! He ranted and raved, but I remained very quiet in my car. A police man came over and directed me how to inch away from the other car so that they could make a proper assessment and I did.All the while the other driver was angrily cursing! Eventually the traffic began to flow again and the police man asked me to park properly so we could negotiate on repairs, but I asked them to follow me to a clearer part of the road so I could give them my contact details and we can meet at my office.

As I started to move on, I kept looking back through my rear window to ensure that they were following, but at some point I noticed that they detoured and went another way. I slowed at the entrance to my street and kept looking out for the driver and the police man, but they never showed up so I drove home. It was when I got home that I inspected my car too. I suffered light scratches but nothing major. I said a thank you to the Lord. I would not have wanted to bring an unexpected bill to my husband.

I thanked God not only for the fact that my car was not damaged, but for the entire incident. I knew without a doubt that it could have been worse if not for the wisdom of God. When the accident happened and the other driver started to shout at me angrily, the words that crept quietly into my heart was "a soft answer drives away wrath.." And I knew that was a word from the book of proverbs and so I obeyed and kept quiet. When I eventually spoke and asked them to follow me it was in a quiet controlled voice and the result was that they decided to go their way and leave me alone.

A potential calamity was turned around because of the wisdom of quietness in the face of contention. As a lawyer I could have come out of my car and tried to prove some point but I do not think the result would have been as peaceful as this.

Too often we want to assert our right and prove a point, but sometimes a better way is quietness, stillness and silence. We do not have to have an answer for every issue neither do we need to prove a point or have our way every time. Sometimes it may just be wiser to let other people have their way even if they are wrong and you are right. Why fight wars that do not have bounties?

Deep inside us we have respect for people who have the strength to over look insults and look the other way for a greater purpose. Yes, those without foresight may think and say that they are weak, but in the end it is easily determined who is the stronger of the two. The way of peace will always be superior than the way to war. Offenses will always come and as my husband would say, some people are created just to cause other people offenses! So it is not wise to answer every offense with an offense.

If couples would walk in this wisdom, there would be fewer heated arguments at home.

I was so happy with the outcome of that accident that I have decided to keep learning to be still and to be quiet. Who cares if anyone thinks I am weak, what is important to me is that I create an environment of peace and not war around me.

My Son

My son turned 10 yesterday. We wanted to have a party for him, but he insisted he did not want a party because "canopy parties", he said, were for "babies" and that his friends would laugh at him! All he wanted was that we take him out with a few of his friends for a meal and some fun. So that was what we did. I invited a few close friends and their children and some family and we went to one of the fun places in town for children and everyone had a great time.

My husband and I planned to give him a bike as a gift - as a matter of fact we had already ordered it, but it did not arrive on the day, so we could not present it. But my son wanted something else - a 'Bakugan ball' (I am not sure about the spelling now).I did not tell him about the bike because I wanted to surprise him, but he wanted this bakugan ball and I promised I would get it for him.

We got home quite late and I noticed that my son was not very happy and I asked him why. He told me that it was because we did not get him the bakugan ball. My husband and I could not believe it! We had gone to a lot of length to make sure he had fun with his friends, but because of one very 'little' piece of toy he was unhappy.

Well, we may not understand it, we may think that his desire does not make sense, but the fact is that it meant something to him. A promise is a promise, we will get it for him as soon as the shops open.

There are two perspectives to this incident. On the one hand, you could say that my son was ungrateful. Why was he not satisfied with everything we had done for him? But on the other hand, was he really being ungrateful? Did I not promise and raise his hopes?

My son typifies man in general. When we desire or want a particular thing and it is not done, we become discouraged with life and sink into depression. We lose taste for life and even for our loved ones. We stop appreciating the people and the things God has blessed us with just because one particular expectation was not met or one prayer was not answered.

My son's expectation or desire was a 'bakugan' toy. What is yours? What are you expecting so badly in life, but have not got? What have you been praying about for so long, but the answer is yet to come? Just like my son, your desire may not make sense to anyone but it is genuinely important to you. It is your desire, something you really want and will make you happy no doubt, but is it enough to spoil your day and blight the rest of your life?

The desire to have a child is a genuine and legitimate desire and so is the desire for financial independence and a happy marriage. Yet, if we can be fair, God has been faithful to us in spite of these unmet desires.

I will be picking up my son from school this afternoon, but before I do I will stop by at the shop to buy the toy he wants so badly. As at yesterday, he thought his world was over just because he did not get this toy, but what he did not know was that it was not a denial, but a delay. The logistics of the day did not allow us pick up the toy yesterday, but surely if the store has it in stock I will pick a box for him today.

I assure you that your desire from the Lord will surely come. That there is a delay does not mean that it has been denied you. God may be working on some 'spiritual logistics' that you can not see. And in due time ...in His time your expectation will come and it will not be delayed.

Cheer up, it is not over yet. When depression and ingratitude comes knocking on the door of your heart regarding those 'unanswered' prayers think of my son and his toy and be rest assured that God who is a loving parent is working round the clock to ensure you have your desires in your hands...soon.
Peace.

A wedding...

I attended a wedding today and as usual I was all teary eyed. I don't know why that happens to me at weddings. I usually feel a lump in my throat that practically makes me speechless and then the tears will form in my eyes...

It was a beautiful wedding. As I watched the couple dancing and so happy I could not help wondering what was waiting for them in the future as they start on this journey together. The good times and the bad times and how these experiences will shape their love for each other. Will they grow closer or will they drift apart with each passing event? What are the pleasant and shocking discoveries they will make of each other as they journey together?

The good book says that all things work together for good to those who love God and who are called according to His purpose so I believe that the experiences we have in life at the end of the day are to make us better and stronger people.However, the way we manage the adverse experiences or conflicts in life determine whether we come out better or worse at the end.

As I watched this couple as they were pronounced husband and wife, I sincerely prayed and hoped in my heart that they are emotionally mature enough to keep learning and growing in the art of conflict management.It is the only path to peace and happiness in any relationship involving more than just you.

To this wonderful new couple and to all who are married, I wish you God's blessing and prosperity. May He teach and guide you each day and may you also learn to obey and trust Him in Jesus name!